State and County Connection – Part 2

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Mary Wouldn't Have Wanted a Social Worker in Her Life

The fact that Mary would seek out a social worker at this time in her life is extremely difficult for me to believe. Of all the people in the world, she would be the last person I would expect would want a social worker in her life, or, as in her case, back in her life. This was a time when she would have wanted anything but this — when she was trying to exert her independence and show the world she had grown up. For years the only thing Mary had wanted was to prove to others she didn't need these people in her life anymore, and she was proud of her achievements primarily because she had accomplished them without social workers. These were the people she had wanted to get away from more than anything else. 

State and County Connection – Part 1

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I think Trish Reedstrom, the Blue Earth County social work supervisor, planned to take Mary from me ever since the day I scoffed at her threat to make up child abuse charges against me if I didn't sign a form letting her place Mary in a foster home in Fergus Falls, Minnesota. Instead of giving in to her threat that day, I took Mary home, raised her by myself, and gave her the kind of life the County was never able to give her. And while Mary was busy putting together her life and living with me, Trish was putting together a plan on how she could finally take Mary away from me.

I Call Mary's Social Worker

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I call the Social Services office in early 2011 to talk to Mary's social worker.

Me: "Hi, this is Mary Brosnan's dad. I'd like to talk to Mary's social worker."

I'm put on hold.

Receptionist: "I'm going to have to put you through to the social work supervisor."

Mary Calls Me From Oregon

Journal — April 10, 2011
 

Josie called from Oregon. She was at work. We talked a bit and then she told me Mary was visiting her and was sharing her bed and it was beginning to bug her because she doesn’t clean up and she takes up most of the bed.

I said, "Really, how long has she been there?"

"Four or five days."

"How did she get out there?"

"Plane."

Connecting the Dots

Whenever a new history is written, the old histories all have to be thrown out. Robbing people of their actual history is the same as robbing them of part of themselves. It's crime!

                             — From 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami

Denial

The girls now had to accept this new way of life as the norm. They had to learn it was best (and safer) not to question what they were being told about their father. Lies could no longer be challenged and secrets had to remain hidden. They were now forced to forget what they had previously known about me and had to start living a life in denial.

PART 4: A WHOLE NEW WORLD

Josie, Mary, and Grace

Our lives had changed — both the girls' and mine — and for the first time ever we were separated from each other, living separate lives in separate homes as separate families. And now it looked like this was going to be permanent. It was as if we had never been a family and never shared a past.

I Lose My Job and I Lose Mary - August 2010

     At first it was autumn; there were red and yellow leaves for Betsy and Tacy to scuffle underfoot. Then the leaves were brown, then they were blown away; that was in the gray time named November. Then came the exciting first snow, and this was followed by more snow and more. At last the drifts rising beside the sidewalk were higher than their heads.

— From Betsy-Tacy by Maud Hart Lovelace    

Mary's Unexplained Changes - July 2010

During the winter of 2010, Mary's friend, Ann, moved in with us. Ann was a girl about Mary's age who had been sleeping in her car because her parents had kicked her out of their house. Mary asked me if she could stay with us, and I told her it was okay until she found a place of her own. We had a small apartment.

The State Threatens Me

It was getting closer and closer to the day I was going to be fired from my job. I had been a security counselor at the Regional Treatment Center in St. Peter for over five years and I knew this was coming to an end. I was being targeted by my boss. I was being fired. And just in case I didn't know this, my co-workers made sure I did. They had seen this too many times at the State Hospital to not know what it looked like. And in my case, I don't even think my boss was trying to hide it.

Mary's One-Year Anniversary! - March 17, 2010

Things were improving — six months, seven months, ten months at home with no major problems, Mary was now looking forward to making it to the one-year mark as well. For so long I thought this would never happen, and now it looked as though I may have saved this girl from what could have been a lifetime lost in institutions, or even worse, as a runaway.

Mary Makes Money

A few months later I got Social Security Income for Mary. The two of us went down to the Social Security office in Mankato and brought all the documents we thought we would need for Mary to qualify. The worker at the office looked through all of Mary's information, even her neuropsych evaluation, but the clincher was when she saw the list of group homes she had been through. That was all she needed; she didn't need to see anything else. And within two weeks, Mary qualified for Social Security Income. I was surprised by this because I had been told getting this would involve a long process and could take up to a year or more.

Six Months At Home! - Sept 17, 2009

After making it to the two-month mark with no major problems, Mary now set her sites on six months. Her self-confidence was improving each day, and the longer she was away from the group home experience, the more she was regaining her ability to trust people again. She'd still call me at work with concerns about homework or to just chat, but she was calling me less and less as time went on. She was also growing more confident each day that no one was going to take her away, abandon her, or try to separate her from me. It was still a struggle to get her to do her chores and homework, however, but she wasn't getting into trouble, and that was huge.

Mary and Her Cat

Mary and Her Cat

Things were going better for Mary than they had in years even though usual problems associated with school still existed. She was still having problems getting up on time for her classes and getting her school work done. And after too many absences and getting too far behind in her classes, she had to leave this school as well.

Grace's Changing Schedule

My Journal — February 4, 2009

Tonight Grace and I went looking at glasses. She's going to be getting some soon. We looked here, there, four stores maybe, trying red and purple ones on in mirrors. Ladies helping that work there.

Then we tromped to the back of Sears in the mall to find the eyeglass store. Found patio furniture first. We relax and pretend we're in our mansion.. and would you like to join me for some tea she says.. and I act the part and say, well certainly....

Then up and sitting at a bar, she on one side, me on the other, I order a drink from her. She pretends to make it, but we don't know the names of many drinks… so she says a martini, and I say dry, yes…and she says how can a drink be dry.. and I say two olives please and act like it's been a long day.

Do You Still Love Me?

I was working nights at the St. Peter Regional Treatment Center and my job was becoming more and more stressful each day. My job duties hadn't changed, and how I performed them hadn't changed. What had changed was the day-by-day difficulty I was having just keeping my job. I was being targeted — something that had started about two years earlier, about the time Mary was in Forest Ridge — and it was only getting worse. Every few months I would get one more crazy reprimand or unpaid suspension for either being a few minutes late to work, not bringing a doctors note back from the emergency room (where Mary had been taken), or for whatever reason my supervisor could think of.